The Exact Recipe For Disaster

Now most of you probably don't know, but for someone to follow through with a really bad idea, you need a few key conditions. One of which is of course, time to follow through with whatever stupid idea that pops into your head. Another is no one around to stop you..... But there's an addendum to that one.

I call it: the Occupancy-Stupidity Curve. The Occupancy-Stupidity Curve merely illustrates that the more people you get in a room, the more likely a majority of them are to egg a member on to do something really stupid. Large bodies of people come up with great ideas, but they also latch on to utterly moronic ones.

So you need time and no one around to stop you (taking the Occupancy-Stupidity Curve into account), but my many experiences with bad ideas has also taught me you need one more thing: A Tool of Destruction.

Usually duct tape or glue or sharpies or an electric shaver or scissors, a Tool of Destruction is anything that can cause long term damage.
Which for some of us is just ourselves.

Next, you need a certain mindset, a delicate mix  that I can only really illustrate with a visual aid:

As the person who as a child cut her own bangs right before Picture Day (I'll tell that story later), set the oven on fire baking cookies, and spilled black cherry soda on the white couch within a week of its purchase, I can personally certify my Recipe for Disaster is entirely fact and statistic-based. 

Sort of.

Calculus Will Probably Be The Death of Me

Next year I don't know if I'll be able to think about everything but math, because next year.... I'm taking AP Calculus.

No, wait. Let's try that again:
Next year I won't able to think at all because next year.... I'm taking...  AP Calculus


Yes, I realize last year I took honors pre-calculus and naturally the next step is AP Calculus but that doesn't make it any less worrying.

People who've already taken it tell me it's not that bad. However, I don't believe them because:

1. People who took AP Calculus in their junior year of high school probably have a different view of what's 'not that bad'.
2. I think they've been brainwashed. I think AP Calculus brainwashes the mind and smothers the soul.
3. Somehow I managed  to make it through a full year of honor pre-calculus with an A- and only a vague idea of what calculus is. 

Yes, next year I will be fighting the most nefarious of enemies, the cruelest of the cruel, the monster that hides under regular monsters' beds and makes them yell for mommy. It makes X run and hide, shaking in fear as AP Calculus hunts it down, narrowing the range and domain until it has its prey.


More on this later.


P.S. Remember, when you hear "AP Calculus" think:

Capitalization Is my Best friend!

Okay, so, I have this problem I like to think of as capitalization dyslexia. I'm happily writing away, misspelling a word every three sentences, but doing fine until I come to the title, words in parenthesis, or book title. I freeze up. 

I love capitalizing words, but I know that words like 'and', 'the' and 'is' don't get the privilege except in Special Circumstances. However, when it comes to grammar, I'm bad at detected Special Circumstances. So I panic and tend to capitalize everything. 

I admit it, when there are two words together like Briarwood or Greenstar, I write it BriarWood and GreenStar whether it's supposed to be that way or not.

In fact, recently I read a book in which a girl capitalized everything however she pleased, saying how capitalization is arbitrary. I felt understanding well up in me when I read that.

I've attributed my problem with detecting Special Circumstances and grammar in general to how I learned to read and write: at the unpredictable pace of a three-legged galloping giraffe. It's like I learned in what situations something was supposed to be written a certain way, but not the underlying rule for that something. I tend to understand when sentences are incorrect, but not the why.

I also have that problem with pronunciation. I love words, and I read a lot, but it's like the rules of pronunciation are written  in a special language that only I don't know.

All that being said, I pride myself on my ability to combat these various issues and take grammar seriously.

otherwise I would Capitalize words for Emphasis or Importance and look like a Complete Idiot.

My Cooking Pearls of Wisdom

I've decided to impart the greatest cooking lessons I've learned, and they are pure gold nuggets of knowledge. They boil down (pun intended) to three basic rules:

1. You can never stick to the recipe entirely. It's not physically possible. Seriously.
You can measure exactly, heat the oven correctly, and be on the brink of perfection:

And something will go wrong.

 

It's part of the laws of the universe.

2.  How you feel when your cooking will come through in the meal.
There is great truth here. If you cook angry, it will taste different, and possibly even look different.

3. Always, always, always use the minimum amount of tools that have to be hand washed.
This is my third and greatest lesson. Only superwoman could finish baking/boiling/broiling/stir frying food into existence and have the energy to wash dishes afterwards. For me cooking is emotionally, mentally, and physically tasking, and I usually finish looking something like this:

At my house, if you cook just for yourself, you clean too. So in order to maximize laziness I've gotten creative.
I use the 1/4 cup for all measurements, so I only have one measuring cup to wash. I try and use dishwasher washable bowls for mixing, and use the smallest easiest-to-clean pans. A few hours ago I made a pie and I only have two items to wash: a knife and the pan.

So there are my three truths of cooking I've learned through the creation of many delectable masterpieces and exponentially more failures.

A Story About........ Socks

So, this should be a post about the next great charity ad I'm creating, Moustaches4Villains - But it's not.

I have been cleaning my room like crazy recently, it might have to do with the fact I'll be applying to colleges in a matter of months, and then moving out and maybe I don't need my silver sparkly top hat or giant dollar-sign sunglasses (Okay, I admit it, I still refuse to part with the top hat).

Yesterday I ambitiously decided to go through my clothes and sort into a I-Never-Wore-It-But-Feel-Guilty pile, Sure-Maybe-One-Day-I'll-Wear-This pile, and a God-I-Still-Have-This?!! pile.

While doing so I found socks in my pants drawer, I found socks in my pajama pants drawer, I found socks in my pajama tops drawer, I found socks in my underwear drawer. I found socks under my desk. I found socks everywhere.

Everywhere I looked I found blue and black socks, it was like my room was heavily infested.

I have so many socks in my room it suggests I have an unnatural amount of feet. Like I'm part caterpillar.

And then, I find a bag hidden and long forgotten in the depths of my closet......... Containing at least six pairs of new blue socks with the price tags still on them. According to my calculations I would have to go to the store and be like:

"I need more socks!"

......... and get like six pairs.

And then do that three more times.

"I need moooore socks!"

 

"I need moooOOre socks!"

"I need MOooOOOre socks!"

I don't even have any memory of purchasing any socks.

A Recent Update: So far I've paired up most of the socks but I have six missing their mate. There are still six renegade socks loose in my house.

I'm a little concerned about my sanity right now.....